This I Believe (Draft 1) (406)
It is well said that, “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them” I have well understood the importance of family because I have lived away from my family for a very long time.
It all started from the age of twelve, when I have to leave my home for study and stay with my uncle and aunt. Nobody can assume the suffering of a twelve year old child who travelled in bus for four hours on daily basis just so that tomorrow could be a better day for him. My dad usually talked to my mom worrying about me and my sibling’s future. I saw my father sacrificing so much that I decided to bear some of those problems and stay away from my family in order to secure my future.
I stood there for almost three years. By that time, I have become really self-dependent and self-motivated. By the age of 15, I moved again to my uncle and aunt. I used to ride bicycle to my school which was 10 kilometers away just so that I could save some money for my tuition fees. But still my father managed to send me to the most expensive school in the city. Watching my father working so hard, I also did my best to meet his expectations. I passed my 12th grade with four A’s and two B’s. My father was really happy with my results.
After the completion of my high school, I finally returned to my home. The first morning I woke up, my mother hugged me and kissed me. After staying there for some time, I realized that I used to get all the facilities where ever I lived. Except one thing that was love. It is the only thing that only family can give you. My father always said that, “I am giving you my full support. But you have to work hard and support your siblings.” By that saying, he decided to send me abroad for further studies. He spent all his savings to send me to Canada. Even some of my family members financially supported me for that.
From a very little Age, whenever I felt tensed, my dad would hug me and used to say that, “tomorrow will be a better day.” I believed in him too much that I replied him that, “yes, tomorrow will be a better day.”
This I Believe (Draft 2) (432)
It is well said “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them”. I believe that families are the most important. More than wealth, fortune or property. I have well understood the importance of family because I have lived away from my family for a very long time. So it must be our first priority to respect and love them.
It all started at the age of twelve when I have to leave my home for study and stay with my uncle and aunt. Nobody can assume the suffering of a twelve-year-old child who traveled a bus for four hours on daily basis just so that tomorrow could be a better day for him. My dad usually talked to my mom worrying about me and my sibling’s future. I saw my father sacrificing so much that I decided to bear some of those problems and stay away from my family in order to secure my future. I stood there for almost three years. By that time, I have become really self-dependent and self-motivated. By the age of 15, I moved again to my uncle and aunt. I used to ride a bicycle to my school which was 10 kilometers away just so that I could save some money for my tuition fees. But still, my father managed to send me to the most expensive school in the city. Watching my father working so hard, I also did my best to meet his expectations. I passed my 12th grade with four A’s and two B’s. My father was really happy with my results.
After the completion of my secondary studies, I finally returned to my home. The first morning I woke up, my mother hugged me and kissed me. After staying there for some time, I realized that I used to get all the facilities where ever I lived. Except for one thing that was love. It is the only thing that the only family can give you. My father always said, “I am giving you my full support. But you have to work hard and support your siblings.” By that saying, he decided to send me abroad for further studies. He spent all his savings to send me to Canada. Even some of my family members financially supported me for that.
From a very little Age, whenever I felt tense, my dad would hug me and used to say that, “tomorrow will be a better day.” I believed in him too much that I replied to him that, “yes, tomorrow will be a better day.”
This I Believe (Draft 3) (432)
It is well said “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them”. I believe that families are the most important. More than wealth, fortune or property. I have well understood the importance of family because I have lived away from my family for a very long time. So it must be our first priority to respect and love them.
It all started at the age of twelve when I have to leave my home for study and stay with my uncle and aunt. Nobody can assume the suffering of a twelve-year-old child who traveled a bus for four hours on daily basis just so that tomorrow could be a better day for him. My dad usually talked to my mom worrying about me and my sibling’s future. I saw my father sacrificing so much that I decided to bear some of those problems and stay away from my family in order to secure my future. I stood there for almost three years. By that time, I have become really self-dependent and self-motivated. By the age of 15, I moved again to my uncle and aunt. I used to ride a bicycle to my school which was 10 kilometers away just so that I could save some money for my tuition fees. But still, my father managed to send me to the most expensive school in the city. Watching my father working so hard, I also did my best to meet his expectations. I passed my 12th grade with four A’s and two B’s. My father was really happy with my results.
After the completion of my secondary studies, I finally returned to my home. The first morning I woke up, my mother hugged me and kissed me. After staying there for some time, I realized that I used to get all the facilities where ever I lived. Except for one thing that was love. It is the only thing that the only family can give you. My father always said, “I am giving you my full support. But you have to work hard and support your siblings.” By that saying, he decided to send me abroad for further studies. He spent all his savings to send me to Canada. Even some of my family members financially supported me for that.
From a very little Age, whenever I felt tense, my dad would hug me and used to say that, “tomorrow will be a better day.” I believed in him too much that I replied to him that, “yes, tomorrow will be a better day.”
It looked personal to me as it was also good writing with your story in it. You had written with the flow and all goes right. All paragraphs were coherent and it looks like an realistic one. All ideas are arranged properly and you have explained enough about your topic.
Where is draft 2?
You need a clear statement about what your belief is near the beginning of the essay.
Proofread for spelling, grammar, punctuation and capitalization errors.
Proofread for left-out words.
Proofread for word choice errors.
Your second draft is better, but you still need to proofread for spelling, grammar, punctuation and capitalization errors. Also, proofread for left-out words and word choice errors. Use Grammarly to help you. If you didn’t download it in the lab, do it now.